Wrestlng with the Tao



The history of the world could be rewritten as the story of wars, not against each other, but against the Tao. “I am better than you are!” “This is mine, not yours!” “It has to work this way!” How muscular we have become in a million years of titanic struggle in the dark trying to fathom what’s going on. And the Tao? Who knows anything about the Tao except religious seekers, or lovers of ancient poetry, even assuming good translations? 

We struggle against the way things are not realizing that things are the way they are because we have created them that way. How many among us are awake enough to stand forth in the face of pain and say, “I did it.”? One contemporary teacher whom I greatly admire says, “If you struggle against what is, you will lose 100% of the time.” Such is the lesson of the Tao. In the grandiose words of my podcast, it goes like this: “Let go and enjoy the grand drama of existence!” 

Even the most spiritually experienced of us are astonishing in our ability to avoid or manipulate what arrives on our plate to act upon. I can be very skilled in the art of self-deception, as witnessed in the subtle pride that arises in words that I write or speak. Humility is a virtue yet to be valued across the land, but heart to heart, considering the mass stupidities at work in the world, I hope its presence is expanding, specifically in me. 

A few days ago in my kitchen, I felt the piece of my soul that was energizing the podcast leave my body and set out for home. I stood there in panic because I realized in an instant that this piece of above had made possible all the spoken and written words I had put out there in my name. How mightily I struggled to resist this moment as my life came crashing down. What hypocrisy! I was ready to die. 

Such is life in occlusion from the Tao. 

I recognized this feeling because a few years ago, I had died on our living room couch after succumbing to yet another occasion of substance abuse. An angelic being was carrying my soul toward a ring-pass-not, from beyond which, I knew, no traveler returns. The clarity of God’s displeasure was absolute. I fought off my angelic accompaniment and declared that this was my life and I wanted to live it! As it was! 

Unknown to me, as those events were transpiring behind the veils of my travail, my beloved Rachel was pounding on my chest to bring me back to life. Between our mutual efforts, I awoke, but my soul had not yet reentered my body. For the next hour, I had to exclaim every few minutes that I wanted to live. Eventually, after promising God with absolute sincerity never to use that substance again, my soul reentered my body, and I was able finally to let go into sleep instead of death. Cured by grace!

So, I know what the coming and going of souls and soul parts feels like. That day a few days ago in the kitchen, I was ready for my entire soul package to depart, believing I had committed some egregious malfeasance in what I was doing. I had struggled against the Tao, which includes the coming and going of soul parts. I had lost my faith. 

Today, after the help of beloved friends and a looking up from the tiny drama of my existence, things have fallen into place, and although I feel I have only inched along in my humble relationship with the Tao, I understand now that the transition in my podcasting work, which I knew was on the horizon, was destined to arrive with this profound wrenching of my spirit. For me, this work is, after all, not “about” that of which it speaks. It is that.

“Episode 18 Conversation with God” was recorded amid this trauma in the Tao, and even though it will have value to the brave and hardy, I have removed it from my websites. It still exists in the iTunes and Google Play stores, which are venues over which I have minimal influence. 

“Episode 19 The Urgent Pursuit of Pure Knowledge” will appear under new internal management by the end of the week with program notes still accompanied by a lingering scent of spiritual pride. For that I ask forgiveness.

Looking Up and Never Looking Back

There is that first grand moment when you look up for the first time and notice what you have never seen before, and you have no words of understanding because, despite the page turning and exploring you have done in your search of the divine, nothing has prepared you for this. Astonishment prevails but not for long because beyond the words and the turning of the mind/spirit to grasp the ungraspable, you move on. Blinded by darkness yields to blinded in the light, for without the handholds of thinking and concepts and the friendships and love and the sweeping view of the universe and even the spaces of apperception of reality between your thoughts, you find your way to the deepest inquiry of which you are capable, and you let it define itself because your knowing is so far beyond the thinking mind that the inquiry, emboldened by something so unknown in its nature that you can only surrender the last veils of your personal and spiritual selves and glare into that infinite core of what is about to proceed and let go!

I Want to Live the Grand Drama of Existence!



Listen to Episode 17 I Want to Live the Grand Drama of Existence!


You never get over the astonishment of realizing that you are the eternal, absolute spirit walking in the world to live the life of an awake, knowing being. Yes, the creator of this cosmos, the original one, the God of gods, the pure knower, the infinite one is you, when all the mental coverings are pushed aside! That's who you are and that's what's going on! Listen to the intro carefully! Asleep in our life stories, the grand drama goes on but outside of our awareness. Once you start to wake up, you feel the waves of being move through you imbued with a huge desire to be one with it all. Let the mystery begin! Let the mystery take hold!

The Never to Return Deep Meditation



Ep 16 The Never to Return Deep Meditation



Once you have decided, once you know this is it, what is it you expect to see when you take one last look over your shoulder? You have discovered at last that the world you have lived in is one whole thing, like a box, one total reality which you are finally ready to step out of. You are no longer embedded in its stories. You have faith that in the beyond, there will be pathways, august beings, perhaps the one grand being that lords over all. You don't know. Transcendental realities have been your life goal, your purpose, and now there is no turning back. Decades of pretending, of waiting for the right moment, of assessing how much more you need to do, whether this is the direction your life has taken. Has it really come to this? And what about love? A deep diver letting go of the line and stretching out to the unmoving waters. 

The Last Meditation





Don’t you want to know why it didn’t happen, sitting in your car at a four-way stop, your turn? You drive to the town square. It’s empty at 5 pm. You stand there looking at the benches and the gazebo, remembering when the square was full of noise and bands and kids chasing each other. You know those benches. They’re like the one in your mind, where you have been sitting for ten, twenty, thirty, forty, or fifty years, poised for the next meditative dive into the promise that has kept your heart pumping, beat after beat, living off the knowledge, the deep stirrings, the friendships with those who also know what you know and the how but who are still there with the same unfulfilled eyes. You look around. You don’t see them but you know they are all there on those benches. Saving room for the young ones, especially those who are being writhed into existence as you think.

Don’t you want to know why it didn’t happen? Feeling that stirring in your loins again, kids laughing in front of the store across the way? Still there. Was it that? Should I have headed to the forest or to the ashram to stave off the dark desire? All around you and the empty square, hundreds are doing the deed in locked rooms as your mind torques on the question. Yes, impossible without tying yourself to the mast as your ship is being tossed about in the raging sea. And even then, the mast always breaks.

Never mind. You close your eyes. Habit as much as anything. After ten thousand dives, it’s never been easier. Maybe after this one, you will push everything behind you and go backslapping with Zen monks in exotic marketplaces, or head into the mountains to exclaim the glory of your enlightenment to the gods, dance with Shiva among the stars, take target practice with Arjuna in the deep forest as the brothers look on with glee. Maybe.

Your mind goes quiet, and the silence rolls in, peaks of emptiness, troughs of illusions, gods, witches and goblins, the lineages of masters, rutting teens on their way to sameness and death, and the waves of love, your love, pulsing through your heart as you lie helpless on the shores of the unknown with the ancient buddhas. Why don’t they speak? Why? Why? I want to know! Return to the bench? Never! I would rather die than return to the bench! Lie here forever! Aching forever!

Or just step off . . .

When Hope Is In Full Bloom





In the very early hours of this morning, I received an invitation from my old time Transcendental Meditation friend Art Cohen to become a member of the Facebook group entitled The Roots of TM. To my delight, but not surprise, I found that I was already a member.
That might seem like a cursory interaction, but it wasn’t. Embedded in this impulse to communicate was an impulse directed to me to sit in TM for another dive into the root of my being. Maharishi always said, “Water the root and enjoy the fruit.” And so it is.
At 5:30 in the morning, I felt a bit groggy and the meditation shawl with which I had wrapped myself for tens of thousands of hours of TM was in tatters and unavailable for this voyage; nevertheless, wrapped in a new blanket, I leaped off into the divine waters and was soon spread out in the many dimensions of transcendental consciousness, which contained “work” I had done as a spirit acutely awake to the grand drama of my existence in this world.
Meditation, of course, is only the initial stage of exploring the root system of transcendent realities, which I have come to call the quantum cosmos. This is not TM language, but no matter; stepping off into the unknown leaves all language behind and requires a fundamental shift in one’s understanding and experience of reality. Maharishi sought to prepare us for that shift by describing higher states of consciousness in great detail, but once the experiences start to take hold, no definitions or flow charts can show the way.

One of the bounties of TM, besides the technique, is the connection with the holy tradition of masters of the Himalayas, who are the conduit of divine intelligence descending into the lower planes for you and me to access. These masters, who are lovingly invoked in the initiation ceremony, fill the meditator with the ancient wisdom that meditation has brought to devotees of the divine for millennia. It is up to the meditator how much he or she wishes to integrate this flow into daily life. What a great spiritual challenge this is!

These masters who access us in our daily lives are just the leading edge of a vast array of ancient beings who are there to awaken aspirants to the “root system” of reality embedded in the infinite silence. When one steps away from the familiar self into the unknown, one is accompanied only by faith in one’s master and love for the hidden lord who is behind all that is. The only way I can describe what this stepping away feels like is to bring up a movie I saw, Ender’s Game, in which the main character, Ender Wiggen, steps out of a one-g gravity situation on a space station into a zero-g environment. He has no handholds and the ways of navigation are entirely different from what he is used to. Nevertheless, he learns. And he is good at it!

There are many lineages of masters who have learned to navigate outside political and religious indoctrinations and constricted beliefs about reality (a zero-g environment) and brought solutions to painful living to those who open channels of light to them. My friend Art has two connections to the divine, one through the great sages and rabbis of the Jewish tradition, and another through the holy tradition of masters of the Himalayas. The great masters who work with me chose Art to communicate to me their intent for this meditation this morning. Why? TM, I expect. Anyway, it matters not because the truth behind all this is that “I love you, Art! And thank you for the waters that flow through you to me. Shalom and Jai Guru Dev!”

Ringing the Bell of God



flesh and blood and thoughts and beyond thoughts the invisible room

Ep 15 Enlightenment and the Gaze from the One Beyond

Who has gathered enough information from spiritual practice, studies, scriptural proclamations, and anything else that might prompt one to say, “I know God”? You can’t gather enough information of any kind that allows you to proclaim knowledge of God. Knowing God is the most intimate experience one can have and you can’t discuss it over the table, or write a book about it, or go on TV, or for that matter, run a podcast about it.
The Invisible Room Podcast has wonderful information in it, but it is beautifully free of indoctrinated statements, scriptural witnessing, or anything else to imply that the value of listening to the audio or reading these occasional remarks provides information that is worth communicating for its own sake. Except the fact of the invisible room. Beyond that fact, the rest is singing out notes of consciousness in order to set up resonance inside the consciousness of the listener. The note “A” is the note “A” no matter what instrument carries that note.  If note “A” feels god-ish in me, then it might feel god-ish in anybody.
Spiritual development involves changing one’s vibration so that one knows the information of “A” and other notes and chords that comprise the song of reality. All one must do here is to listen or read and feel the vibration; the information is secondary, furniture brought into the invisible room that one might come to know that the invisible room exists.

I am not famous. I have not published books. I am not lined up for tours or talk shows, or anything along those lines. I do not give workshops or courses. I do not have a Ph.D. in any subject remotely related to spiritual awakening. All of those activities are for promoting and preserving the words. What I do is sing reality words, and podcasting is my instrument of choice. It’s perfect for singing operatic stories about reality and travel through different dimensions of reality singing those songs. I sing that your consciousness might become unstuck from the cacophony of collective sounds that have become a fixed reality for seven billion people. Just let it vibrate inside you, never mind the words. Your divine source and center will do the rest.

I sing “God” songs for anybody who wants to close their eyes, lean the head back, and hum along. Are these vibrations “God”? Will God come to hear you sing? Who knows? And why not God come? I would keep that door wide open! Take a leap! Come into the mystery! Let it free your consciousness so that it can hum god tunes rather than the dark groans and growls that are the speech of collective human consciousness. It takes courage for sure to hum along, but the adventure of it is beyond compare! Enlightenment! Grace! Redemption! The whole nine yards!

Click here for “Ep 15 Enlightenment and the Gaze of the One Beyond.” It is about the unquenchable desire and what ultimately happens to it.

If you want to ring your god bell right now, click here for a three minute ride.